Hello, everyone! It’s been practically forever since my last blog, and I know you’ve all been begging for another wanna-be chronicle! Actually, I’m not sure any of you have even noticed, but I like to pretend I have fans writing me, pleading for another post, and sending me their own ideas for future blogs.
Wanna-be Blog Star, right here.
I have had a couple of incredibly busy months! Between a promotion at work, wedding planning, battling first trimester exhaustion (surprise!!), and life, I have had zero time to do anything “meaningful,” like laundry or blogging.
Not that I’d classify blogging in the same category as laundry, but life was nuts, a few things had to take the back burner. Sorry to my now husband, who’s had to scrounge for clean clothes for weeks (months). His legs aren’t broken and he knows how to do laundry, but… I digress.
Since getting engaged and planning the wedding, which was absolutely amazing, by the way (I’m biased, but really), I have had the Wanna-be Wedding Connoisseur/Planner/Extraordinaire bug.
Does everyone feel this way? It’s so weird going from constant planning and lists, to totally done. Only Thank You cards to send and leftover centerpiece junk to get rid of. Talk about a total let down!
So, with me not being able to shake wedding fever, and with wedding season in full swing, I’ve decided to do a series of posts on what I’ve learned from my own wedding experiences!
Yeah, I’m turning into that girl. Roll your eyes at yet another person thinking they can write opinion-tell-all blogs. Seriously. Get over yourself. Let me do me.
Warning: If you’re super anti-wedding- One, you go girl, but Two, you might want to tune out for a couple weeks.
But please come back, okay? I only have like six readers, so…
I’ll write about what you want next time! Promise!
On to the blog! I have got to work on shorter intros… Tips, fellow bloggers?
I’ve got a few ideas I’ve been playing with the last few weeks, but I’m going first for the one that has been forefront in my mind. *Drum roll please*
This week’s edition, Wanna-Be Wedding Connoisseur: How Not to be THAT Bride. (You all know the one I’m talking about).
Brides, it’s your day, so don’t let me tell you how to do you through this post, because girl, it really is your (or in my case, my husband’s) day, and you’re probably a wanna-be wedding connoisseur too. Just passing along the few things I’ve learned through my own experiences as a Bride and a fly on the wall for other weddings! Enjoy!
One – Assuming Everything will go According to Plan
Brides, come on, you can’t actually expect this, right? Wrong. We do expect things to be perfect.
Regardless of how many lists you’ve handed out to people, the amount of meetings you’ve had, food you’ve tested, flooring layouts you’ve approved, something is bound to happen. ROLL WITH IT.
Chances are, unless you trip down the aisle or your building catches on fire (both of which were possibilities with my wedding. 5” heels and a sparkler exit. Yikes), your guests aren’t going to notice. Or remember, for that matter.
Countless things can go wrong, but you have to prepare for it. Have a backup plan, or better yet, just accept it and move on.
It’s your WEDDING DAY! The best day of your life so far! Don’t let something like awkward pauses at the reception, one dead flower, or the tiniest hole in your dress completely wreck your day. In the grand scheme of things, it’s so not worth it. Don’t be THAT bride.
I am SO fortunate, and maybe one of the only ones ever to be able to say, I wouldn’t have changed or fixed anything with my wedding. It was beautiful and perfect. I do have to share one moment though!
We’re all standing at the back of the church, the music starts playing, and instead of the intro being all instrumental, the piano guy starts singing. And he’s no Patrick Monahan. I turned to my Dad and said, “That’s why he’s supposed to be playing, not singing.”
No one in the church could see or hear us, it was fine. Plus I meant it to be sarcastic, not angry.
Holy hell, the looks my bridal party turned around and gave me, you would have thought I had just turned into Godzilla and they were waiting for me to climb the church and tear the top off. Like they’d just been waiting for me to explode. Guys, come on. If that was the worst I got, you should be grateful.
People. Don’t make the Bride feel bad. Just ignore her when she’s being insane. I felt like such a B for having an opinion. Come on.
Moral of the story, Brides, don’t sweat the small stuff. Even if the pianist is singing.
Two – Accepting zero help/Expecting ALL the help
This is the big one I realized once becoming a bride, and something I struggled with the entirety of my engagement! Doing everything yourself makes you look like a brat, expecting people to show up when you need something also makes you look like a brat. It’s hard to find a balance!
I come from a background of- you’re on your own, get it done, things go more smoothly when you do it yourself. Which has always suited me fine. I’m not trying to be a B, and I didn’t really have a particular way things HAD to be, I just knew I could get it done myself, no problem.
This attitude doesn’t gel with people, especially when they’re SO excited to get their hands on wedding things and help. Lesson learned 🙂
Brides, I get it, it’s your day, but really, weddings are for everyone involved. Sometimes you’ve got to back down and come up with things for others to help with. Regardless if you need it, people are around wanting to help! Take it! There has got to be something you need.
On the flip side, Bride, it’s YOUR wedding. And it’s completely unacceptable for you to expect someone to plan the entire thing for you. I’ve watched a bride have a complete meltdown that her bridesmaids weren’t around to help with favors and set up. Lady, BM’s signed up for a lot. Don’t make them feel bad for doing things like… living life outside your wedding? Find someone else to help. Or better yet, do it yourself. 🙂
If you need help, ask. If you don’t need help, make sure to swallow your pride and include those who want to help. Families, if the Bride hasn’t asked, and she’s not visibly drowning, do not drive her insane. That could actually add more stress to the already stressful mix. Give her some breathing room, and in most cases, she’ll include you!
Everyone play nice. When in doubt, supply snacks. That’s the best advice I found while wedding planning, and it gets you on the Bride’s good side. Or maybe that’s just when the Bride is pregnant. Who knows. 🙂
Three – Don’t break your Bridesmaids Bank
Everyone wants to stand next to you on your wedding day. Women plan elaborate Bridesmaid Proposals for their very best friends, who in turn dream of mimosas, silk robed pictures, and most importantly, their best friend saying yes to their Happily Ever After.
When in reality, after the initial excitement, they’re picturing dollar signs. Which is exactly what happens to the Bride and Groom too… Just so you know.
Here are a couple things I’ve learned when it comes to Bridesmaids paying for your big day. Yes, lists inside of lists. You had no idea what you were signing up for when you opened this blog.
- Bride, pick out the dresses YOU want. This is going to be/SHOULD be, the most expensive part for your bridal party. Personally, I have paid upwards to $300 for a dress after the initial purchase and alterations, which sounds insane, but it really is important. If you (The Bride, not Bridesmaid) can look around and find a cheaper alternative, go for it, but if you’re set on this one dress, get it. The dresses will stand out in pictures for years, and usually, they’re the most colorful part of your wedding. Bridesmaids, don’t whine about this. You’ll understand when you get married.
- Do not force them to get their hair or makeup done. If you want a certain look, that’s all you, but somewhere, there has got to be someone you know that can do an up-do with braids or apply an amazing smoky eye. This could add on another $100 or more! Who has that kind of cash flow? And there’s the chance your BM could hate it, which has happened out of personal experience. No, it’s not all about the Bridesmaid, but remember that they were your friend before BM. Don’t you want them to feel good about themselves too? Plus, they’ll take better pictures if they’re happy. And the pictures are the important part, in my opinion!
- Require presence, not presents, at your showers. I had two beautiful showers, plus a bachelorette party, and then the actual wedding. Three, possibly four opportunities for gifts, plus paying for their part of the shower (if you did this), or bachelorette party. This is where things get pricey! Brides, please do not expect your girls to buy things for every shower or party. Let them know it’s totally fine to skip on presents, because I know personally, I feel obligated to get something for each event! This can add up so quickly, and there are so many other people dying to buy you things. Don’t require it of your girls too. Remember all the other things they’re paying for.
- Remind your MOH to keep cost in mind when planning the bachelorette party. I have heard horror stories of women spending upwards of a thousand dollars on bachelorette parties. Between airfare/vehicle gas, hotels, activities, drinks, food, gifts, matching t-shirts, all of which now days are practically necessities, the price gets out of hand. Brides and MOH’s, plan something fun for the girls, but try and keep it to a couple hundred dollars each, max. That is still a lot of money for anyone! Keep it out of earshot of the bride, but talk to the girls going and make sure all can pay their fair share. This will make things go more smoothly for all.
Lastly, I’m speaking to you, Bridesmaid. If it’s too expensive to be a BM, say so. Your friend will understand. If she doesn’t, maybe you should find a new friend… Just saying. But if you agree, please please please, I beg you, do NOT complain to the Bride two months down the road that it’s getting “so expensive.” You signed up for this, and it is, her day, not yours. She’ll try not to be THAT bride, but you can’t be THAT bridesmaid. There is no need to make her feel bad, or provoke her inner dragon.
Side note- I am so blessed to have had the sweetest bridal party in the history of the world. Honestly, I’ve never been to a wedding where they’ve pampered the bride so much. They took care of me at every turn, making planning so simple. You’re all Amazing. Thank you so much for making my wedding incredibly special and memorable. I hope I wasn’t too difficult to deal with. Please point out if I’m being a hypocrite with this post. 🙂
Four – Only Talking About the Wedding, EVER
Says the girl who’s writing wedding blogs two weeks after her wedding. Total hypocrite, I know.
Pulling from my own experiences (are you guys tired of me talking about myself yet?), when you’re planning a wedding, it is SO difficult to think about anything else. There is always so much to do, and it’s the thing you’re looking forward to most!
It is so exciting! I totallyyyyy get it. Been there.
But girl, there are so many other things going on. Don’t be THAT bride.
Ladies, once you’re a Bride, that title doesn’t define you. Although, I’m totally on board for getting all of the t-shirts, hats, purses, etc. with BRIDE on them. They’re adorable.
Please remember why you asked the person you’re eating lunch with to be in your bridal party… because she’s your friend! And I guarantee she’s totally not only thinking about your wedding. Make it a priority to keep being a friend throughout the wedding process. Chances are, eventually she’s going to ask about wedding planning anyway. Let them bring it up, don’t force it down their throat.
You need to talk about something other than yourself and the wedding for once. Honestly, you probably need that mentally anyway. Wedding Breaks are a real thing. Take them. Enjoy them.
Something to keep in mind though, there’s life after wedding. Throughout the process, you have to continue being a friend, daughter, co-worker, and fiancé. The wedding is the center of your world right now, but not everyone else’s.
Five – Forgetting to Breathe
Finally. Your wedding day is here. You’ve been planning for months, maybe even over a year at this point, and it’s time! Your amazingly beautiful and relaxing day begins… now!
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but wedding days are not relaxing.
Getting ready usually starts in the early hours of the morning, since pictures (in many cases) need to start a few hours before the actual wedding ceremony. Chances are, you didn’t sleep well the night before. In one real life scenario, the Bride/Fam couldn’t get in to set up the venue until 8 pm the night before the wedding, and set things up until Midnight! If you’re in that predicament, I pray your wonderful bridesmaids bring you coffee. Mine supplied breakfast too. Have I mentioned, my BM’s were completely awesome?
Your phone is probably blowing up, and you have zero chance of responding to everything because you’re getting pulled to hair appointments, makeup touch-ups, and mimosa toasts. Not to mention the people coming in and out of your room crying and telling you how amazing you look. Not that this is a bad thing, says the conceded bride in me, but it’s exhausting!
All of a sudden, you’re outside walking up for your first look. OMG you’re getting married today. *Remembers to breathe for the first time all morning*
Coming from a Bride that was super involved with every piece of the wedding, please take a break on your wedding day. Let things play out how they’re going to, enjoy time with your husband, and breathe.
The day truly does fly by, and you’ll want to remember all the good things and happy people you celebrated with. Whatever happens at this point, happens. You can’t change things now. Simply relish in the fact that it’s finally your day, and you’re sealing the deal to be with the best man in the world.
Although, sorry to break it to you, but yours is probably the second best man in the world, because I got the actual best 🙂
The thing I heard most during my engagement was, “It’s your day!” And they’re totally right! But there is no need to make that your mantra, or reiterate it constantly. Your family and your new family love you and are so happy to share this day with you and your soon-to-be hubby. Weddings are for everyone, not just the bride and groom. Future brides, hopefully you’ll learn this quickly.
The days are meant to be full of joy and love, not stress and anxiety. Remember, it’s your day, you can make it go either way!
In conclusion, my overall point of this post is, don’t get carried away and turn into the ever popular word, Bridezilla. You marry the love of your life once, enjoy every single minute of it
Thanks for reading! I’d like to apologize that it was so long, but it’s my blog. I can make it as long as I want 🙂
Stay tuned for another post in the next couple of weeks!
Wanna-be Princess, but totally a Penny Pincher at Heart: How to Save Money on your Wedding Day
Wanna-Be Pinterest Queen: Tips and Tricks for left over wedding materials
Until next time!
Your Fellow Wanna-be Wedding Connoisseur,
(will I ever get used to seeing that name??)